dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
