I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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