And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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