The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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