Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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