is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
