He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
