Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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