chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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