his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
