Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
