I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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