Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
