I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
