i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
