I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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