I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
