When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
