When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
