I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
