So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
