I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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