I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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