I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
50% drunk capacity currently
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
