Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Randomize
