You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
