I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
