I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
