where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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