I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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