it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
