when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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