I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
