He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bring me that man meat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
