I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just tell him i said nine months
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
