words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
