Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
