I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
