By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
