I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
