btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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