ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
