The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
