I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
