He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
time to smoke my breakfast
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
