She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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