don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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