and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
