are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
