I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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