How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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