last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
