They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
